Insomnia (2)

It's a strange business, sleep. A bad night's sleep (2 hours? 4 hours?) seems to involve a lot of anxiety, not to say obsession, about not sleeping, which carries over into the day, a day that feels as Elizabeth Bishop wrote in a poem "almost impossible to lift." Nothing gives you any pleasure, you push on, do what you do till you can go to bed again...

I can move mountains after a good night's sleep. 

I thought I had read all the books about sleep. I stopped using my bed as my desk. I learned to get out of bed if I wake at 3 am and begin stewing about not going back to sleep. I make myself an infusion of rosemary or verbena and go and sit on the deck and look at the stars and think about how tiny my existence is in the cosmic order. I may iron, unload the dishwasher, sew buttons back on. Generally I don't feel much like reading, because that is what I do all day long, and some kind of manual or physical activity is more relaxing. I've thought about taking up crochet...crochet therapy. Eventually I may fall asleep again.